How to use the feeling of pain to think better and solve our problems.

“Give me your hand, my Sorrow; come with me,

Far from them. See the dead years leaning,
In worn-out clothing, on the balconies of the skies;
See how Regret, grinning, rises from the deep waters;

The dying sun goes to sleep in an archway,
And, like a long shroud dragging from the East,
Hear, O my dear one, hear the soft night coming”.

Geoffrey Wagner, Selected Poems of Charles Baudelaire (NY: Grove Press, 1974) – last stanzas of poem Meditation (Recueillement) via fleursdumal.org

THE STORY:

Good entrepreneurs design, constantly work to improve, and sell a service or product which addresses and resolves their clients’ problem(s). They work to meet a need felt by others. As a sustainability professional you are also trying to offer a solution to a problem. Those problems are called “pains” in business jargon. For example, my own company, Planet Emotions, sells a service-product, The Golden Bird Experience ™, which addresses the typical pains of sustainability leaders, teams, and organizations, by dealing with their root cause.

In part one of this series about “the pains of sustainability leaders”, I uncovered that the root cause of our social and environmental problems is our own (human) behavior. I also shared what neuroscientists like Dr. Caroline Leaf have proven today: that our behavior derives from our conscious and unconscious decision-making, itself stemming from both our conscious and subconscious thoughts and feelings, moment after moment.

In part two, I listed the main pains of sustainability leaders, as they have been expressed to me by these leaders over several decades, and I invited you to comment and share your own pains.

In this third opus on the topic, I would like to show that the word “pain” is perfectly chosen, what is good and what is bad about that, and how your feeling body is helping you think better, thus making better choices and behavior.

 

THE PROBLEM:

Most leaders today – and frankly most of us – try to avoid or make the feeling of pain disappear as soon as it shows up, way too quickly before it can deliver the important message it is trying to give us. This is a very serious problem because it only makes the pain – and everything else – worse.

When we have a problem that we think about – holding in our minds all the facets of this thing we consider as a problem – our body is literally in pain. The pain is a physical event that can be low or high. It can reside in the chest or in the belly or in some other part of the body. It can manifest as a burning, dull, pounding or other sensation. Regardless, it shows up as a painful sensation to the person who is thinking about something as a problem.

What we consider to be a problem, or a pain, feels like one. It is not the “what” itself so much as the fact that we think of it as a problem which creates the painful sensation in our body.

One of the pains expressed by sustainability leaders listed in part 2 is: “They don’t get it!”. This pain relates to colleagues, bosses, or other people inside or outside of the organization who are not understanding what sustainability experts are telling them with all the might – and often arrogance – of their scientific certainty.

When I say: “they don’t get it” and I feel frustration, if I reflect a little, I may find that what I am also thinking is: “I am always misunderstood”, or “they are stupid”, or “this is helpless”, or “why are they doing this to me?”, or “I am not good enough” … or perhaps other thoughts of this nature.

Maybe your interlocutors truly do not get it, but why would you be frustrated about that?

What is your frustration telling you?

Frustration signals that a need of yours is not being met. But if you say “they don’t get it”, it is about them, not you. Your frustration reveals that something in your thoughts about the experience is faulty here. All of the subconscious thoughts that I mentioned above are wrong. Your frustration is doing its job of alerting you about your thoughts with a sensed feeling. You can now see that your thoughts are faulty. You are not always misunderstood. They are not stupid. It is not helpless. You do not have to feel bad when someone does not understand what you say. It is just a fact, a piece of information. A misunderstanding. “They” are not responsible for your frustration. Your thoughts about them, about you or about the situation are.

Our thoughts can be dangerous. For example, when I think “I am misunderstood”, my reasoning mind is associating an attribute to my identity. Any sentence that starts with “I am …” attaches the rest of the sentence to who we think we are, that is, to our very identity. That literally means that we are “taking this statement personally”, or subjectively (i.e., related to the subject, me).

In the hierarchy of thoughts and beliefs stored in our mind, any belief attached to our identity sits at the top of the hierarchy and everything else will derive from that overarching belief. So, when we believe that we are misunderstood, we are de facto instructing all the parts of our mind and body to behave in order to be misunderstood at all times and in all places. The body tries to tell us, with pain, that it does not agree with that statement … but it still obediently does what it is told.

Excessive worldwide wrong thinking leads to excessive worldwide wrong decisions and solutions. Not working with our pain leads to sickness and addiction. Addiction has become the number one cause of premature death in the United States alone today.

 

THE SUSTAINABLE SOLUTION:

It is important to note the great difference between being misunderstood and observing a misunderstanding. The latter will feel neutral, the former will feel painful. Pain shows us the dissonance between our thoughts and the truth, that something inside of us is resisting the truth.

Fully feeling the pain, followed by a brief analysis, can change everything about how we interact with challenges and fulfill our mission as sustainability leaders.

If I say: “We have misunderstandings in my company about sustainability”, it is still a ‘pain’ in the sense that it is still a problem. But because we moved the negative judgment, the blame, and the frustration out of the way, we are now observing something that is no longer attached to the self. It became objective.

When we shift a subjective pain to an objective problem, we can then address it for what it truly is. It may even become exciting and playful like taking up a challenge or solving a mystery!

Solutions exist out there to help you with your emotions. The Work, by Byron Katie, is one of the most powerful – and free – frameworks you may use to help you navigate your thoughts and come back to truth and sanity. I highly recommend however that you seek professional coaching or therapy to better understand, use and manage your emotions and everything in your life. It will save you time in the emergency situation we are in: we need sustainability professionals that make good decisions, fast.

The truth is that all of us perfectly imperfect human beings make mistakes several times per day, and it is so tempting to jump to conclusions about the flaws in our identity and not pause to consider what our feelings are telling us about a particular situation in the moment. Don’t kill the messenger! Seek help!

What pains have you been internalizing about your identity as a sustainability leader?

Take a moment to shift one of those internalized pain experiences into an objective problem of which you are now the observer. Say for example: “I can see this pain (name it) therefore, if I can see it, then I am not it”. Do you notice any shifts in your feelings as you separate yourself from the pain and arrive at this more neutral place of witnessing?