Why insisting that we are right is stupid, and what to do instead.
The Problem: We Have the Wrong Goal
I see numerous posts and comments on LinkedIn and other social media platforms, where frustrated professionals in the sustainability field angrily lament that this person or organization is denying scientific information about climate change, vaccines, pollutants, or some other topic.
These frustrated people also blame the deniers for “not understanding science.”
But these frustrated people are not aiming at any “understanding.” This is not their primary objective. They are trying to be right, before all else (and prove others wrong). They even make it a personal moral issue. They think they hold THE truth, and they blame others for not seeing it.
Don’t you find it interesting that one does nothing to understand others, yet finds it unacceptable that others do not understand them? I find it fascinating. And at the same time, I must be honest: I did that too. Like many people, I grew up believing that “not understanding,” particularly some scientific information, was shameful. And shame, my friends, can be a powerful deterrent! Well, I’ve changed since then. I have come to think that sustainability professionals are the ones who need to do a much better job at communicating. And they are now forced to do so by “the big backlash.”
The core problem that we humans have is less that climate warming (or anything) is true or not. It is more that we do not understand each other, and are not even trying to.
This core misunderstanding problem creates or aggravates all the other problems humans have. It also prevents us from solving them. Because it is actually impossible to do anything “right” if we do not understand each other! Imagine trying to build a house, a bridge, or an education system, without trying to understand each other! Yet this is what is going on. It is why we are polarized. It is why we have wars. And the situation has reached catastrophic proportions: in fact, I think we are dying of it.
I believe that dissonance (misunderstanding) and resonance (understanding) are both necessary for the survival of a system; in this case, a system that includes humans. A little dissonance provides needed disturbance, forcing movement and change, but too much of it leads to system chaos and collapse.
What We Can Do Instead: Aim at Shared Understanding, even about Disagreement
Emotions convey information to and about the person who is harboring this or that emotion. Not about others around this person. We are only frustrated because one of OUR needs is not fulfilled. So, what are these frustrated people being frustrated about? What need of theirs is not fulfilled?
Well, among others, it’s probably the NEED OF BEING UNDERSTOOD!
Those of you who have been reading my articles or LinkedIn posts for a while know that I am obsessed with accelerating the expansion of our consciousness so that we may be better at fulfilling our needs in all need categories (and needs are not wants). Because that is the only way we can develop! You may also know that there is no such thing as “unsustainable development.” We either develop (thus fulfill all our needs) or regress. This is why I prefer to say, “human development,” rather than “sustainable development.”
I believe that the collapse of the human-influenced system as we know it has already started, but that we can make it much less lethal and painful. I also believe that the seed of another system has been sown, and that its seedling is healthy and growing strong. We are merely living through a collective metamorphosis.
But the metamorphosis requires effective and efficient communication among humans, which is still limited to a minority. If you want to survive the current chaos and join the emerging harmonious world, here’s how to start: set a different goal when you enter a conversation. Seek to understand and be understood with openness and zero judgment. Seek mutual understanding before any other goal. The goal is that all parties can see (visually) what is being said. Ask curious questions. Describe the meaning of your words to make it tangible (the piece of reality that your words stand for). Keep at it. The truth will emerge magically from the conversation, all by itself.
Can you share the name of a world leader, in a corporation or in government, who truly seeks to understand and be understood, and is successful at it? What about entire corporations? Which corporation is successful at understanding its stakeholders and being understood by them?
And if you feel that your own organization could benefit from a little help in that regard, don’t wait. Reach out here.