Why insisting that we are right is stupid, and what to do instead.

The Problem: We Have the Wrong Goal

I see myriads of posts and comments on LinkedIn, and other social media, where frustrated professionals of the sustainability field angrily lament that this person, or this organization, is denying scientific information about climate change, vaccines, pollutants, or some other topic.

These frustrated people also blame the deniers for “not understanding science.”

But these frustrated people are not aiming at any kind of “understanding.” This is not their primary objective. They are trying to be right, before all else (and prove others wrong.) They even make it a personal moral issue. They think they hold THE truth, and they blame others for not seeing it.

Don’t you find it interesting that one does nothing to understand others, yet finds it unacceptable that others do not understand them? I find it fascinating. And at the same time, I must be honest: I did that too. Like many people, I grew up believing that “not understanding,” particularly some scientific information, was shameful. And shame, my friends, can be a powerful deterrent! Well, I’ve changed since then. I have come to think that sustainability professionals are the ones who need to do a much better communication job. And they are now forced to do so by “the big backlash.”

The core problem that we humans have is less that climate warming (or anything) is true or not. It is more that we do not understand each other, and are not even trying to.

This core misunderstanding problem creates or aggravates all the other problems humans have. It also prevents us from solving them. Because it is actually impossible to do anything “right” if we do not understand each other! Imagine trying to build a house, a bridge, or an education system, without trying to understand each other! Yet this is what is going on. It is why we are polarized. It is why we have wars. And the situation has reached catastrophic proportions: in fact, I think we are dying of it.

I believe that dissonance (misunderstanding) and resonance (understanding) are both necessary for the survival of a system, in this case, the human system. A little dissonance provides needed disturbance, forcing movement and change, but too much of it leads to system chaos and collapse.

What We Can Do Instead: Aim at Shared Understanding, even about Disagreement  

Emotions convey information to and about the person who is harboring this or that emotion. Not about others around this person. We are only frustrated because one of OUR needs is not fulfilled. So, what are these frustrated people being frustrated about? What need of theirs is not fulfilled?

Well, among others, it’s probably the NEED OF BEING UNDERSTOOD!

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, know by now that I am obsessed with fulfilling all human needs. Because that is the only way we can develop! You also know by now that there is no such thing as “unsustainable development,” we either develop (thus fulfill all our needs), or regress. This is why I would prefer to say, “human development,” rather than “sustainable development,” because that’s what we all really mean.   

I believe that the collapse of the human system as we know it has already started, but that we can make it much less lethal and painful. I also believe that the seed of another human system has been sown, and that its seedling is healthy and growing strong. We are merely living through a collective metamorphosis.   

But nothing gets done correctly without effective and efficient communication. So, process all your emotions, and fulfill all your needs (not more! But not less), dear human reader: start by setting a different goal when you enter conversation. Seek to understand and be understood. When we do that, the truth emerges magically from the conversation, all by itself!

What is your experience, dear ones? Can you share the name of a world leader, in a corporation or in government, who truly seeks to understand and be understood, and is successful at it? What about entire corporations? Which corporation is successful at understanding its stakeholders and being understood by them?

And if you feel that your own organization could benefit from a little help in that regard, don’t wait. Reach out here.